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When did everything become so complicated?
Where did simplicity go?
What happened to the times when all
it took for you to make me smile was
seeing your name on my caller id?
.
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror
and wonder
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS PERSON?
I watched Into The Wild
today FINALLY
and I hated it.
only because he died though :/
i could do this all time.
but who really wants to read that.
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I enjoy getting high and listening to my ipod on shuffle;
and banana smoothies.
x But what I don't enjoy is not knowing
What the fuck is about to go down
or, should I say "happen"
x I also don't enjoy being
forced to make a giant step
s d r a w k c a b
in my relationship and life
...but i'm being a good girlfriend and
gonna keep my mouth shut so I
don't ruin his graduation.
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Rick Powell is my personal demon.
i would give my life if it meant he would stop haunting me.
another night. another nightmare.
"i woke up this morning in a puddle of tears.
because in my dream i was that little girl again.
living in fear of daddy coming into my room that night.
and he did.
I heard his footsteps walking down the hallway.
i watched the door open and then close again after his entrance
then i squeezed my eyes shut
and waited.
He stood in my room for awhile, watching my body rise and fall
with every breath i took.
He always waited until he could hear the panic in my breath until he laid down.
the bed made the same screeching sound it always had.
that sound still haunts me.
i stopped breathing.
and waited.
i knew he was propped up on one elbow watching me as always.
it was always the same routine.
if i allowed my eyes to open a little i could see the wall right in front if me
and the moonlight pouring in through the window.
even turned away i could see him and that awful fucking grin.
that's how i knew HE knew what he was doing.
i couldn't help but flinch when his hand rested on my back
and pulled me close to him.
i could smell him
and feel his breath on my skin.
i was wearing what i wore the first time it ever happened.
black panties that had three orange flowers on the side
and my favorite orange scooby shirt.
i became his puppet.
and waited.
words can't describe the horror of the next couple hours.
and these tears rolling down my cheeks don't do justice.
never once did i fight him.
never once did i say STOP.
I know I was the victim
but that never makes me feel any less guilty.
i relived every single horrible night in my dream last night.
and today i'm walking around like a zombie
with tears that i can't stop from coming."
I hope you're burning in hell you sick fucking bastard.
and I can't believe I forgave you as you lay sick and dying on that hospice bed.
i wish i had killed you myself.
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| you guide me along like a toy on a string.
baiting.
waiting.
ATTACK. |
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| fall down, never get back up again.
out where the stones lay like bones by the ocean,
out where the waves crash contempt on the land,
someone was trembling for fear of the tempest.
somebody silently reached for their hand.
said, "understand that if you're cold I'll keep you warm."
and besides, there's so much beauty in a storm
so come down with me to the shore.
and what's more, i adore you.
so tell me, what is there to fear?
you think some seraph up above is trying to rob us of our love
because the sky's not clear?
my dear, you know there's not.
now listen to the rain upon the rooftop,
but the wind picked up.
how they envied you and i. |
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